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amore
i’m sick of the same routine. i’m sick of being emotionally unavailable and being a part of meaningless flings.
i want to change. i want to feel what it’s like when someone has real feelings for you. i want to know what it’s like to be in a mutually giving relationship. i want to actually want to cuddle with someone. i want to have those little arguments couples have then you realize you don’t want to fight or for it to escalate and instead makeup. instead of wanting someone to go to bed with, i want someone i want to wake up with in the morning.
i want to be in love.
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At a time of year when many of us find an excuse to act a little (or a lot crackers) by using Christmas/the holidays to reach out or accept contact from exes, to get back together, to stay together because it’s Christmas, or to expect a Miracle on Assclown Street, it’s time to remind you that nobody is that special that you need to sell yourself down the river by treating yourself without love, care, trust, and respect in the name of ‘winning’ them.
Every single thing you do in an effort to ‘win’ someone who isn’t engaging in a mutual relationship with you inflates them. You’re dwarfing yourself and making them into something mighty. Stop chasing and please stop pumping.
Source: baggagereclaim.com
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wouldn’t it be nice
i like older men. in my studies, older men embody what a real man is. wise, in control, mature, and confident. they are great lovers, they can hold intelligent conversations, they can teach you things, and they usually have their shit together. but on the other hand there are cons of course. they are fixed in their ways, they’re old (e.g. health problems arise), and they’re usually past their days of going out. which of the latter is currently plaguing me. i know i prefer to be with an older man, no doubt about it and i’ll end up being with one, but i’m also a social butterfly. i don’t need to go out and party but i like to go out to social events and mingle or dance. older men seem to just want to stay in or do something low key. maybe i need to date more ages and find the right range when they’re wise and have their shit together but still want to go out. ahh, life.
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changes
after a series of apparent self destructive behavior i have decided to cut all the bad vices out of my life. no more cigarettes, alcohol (except for wine which i’m limiting to a small glass maybe once a day), unhealthy food, and carbs! i am going on a semi-strict diet which will cut out virtually all carbs but i am allowing myself to continue eating pasta, just in small portions because i’m italian. enough said :). also i plan on doing yoga again!
Audio post reblogged from Fuck Yeah Atticus Ross with 564 notes - Played 77,061 times
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]Zoo Station - Nine Inch Nails
Produced by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross
Programming by Atticus Ross
Source: fuckyeahatticusross
memory
i think scents and songs bring up the most vivid memories to me. i just listened to an old song i haven’t heard in god knows how long, and i remembered being like four or five years old and relating it to how much i missed my dog. i don’t think anyone knows i used to have a collie named maxie that i grew up with until i was four/five years old when my parents had to give her away cause we moved into an apartment. i was severly heartbroken. i actually don’t even remember these things or ever think of it, until i heard this song and all these memories just flooded my head. i played with her everyday and she was such a good dog, she was probably like my best friend. after we gave her away, the couple that took her visited us maybe once or twice with her, i remember it being a while since i had saw her last and feeling as if she didn’t even recognize me. presently, i don’t even understand how people can be so attached to their animals. i haven’t really had a pet since maxie, except for a couple ferrets. and i don’t even think i’m really much of a pet person. but if i psycho analyze myself, maybe i have this negative stance towards pets since i may have been traumatized at a young age by losing one. hmmm, it’s interesting.
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I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t.
Photoset with 27 notes
i’m anything BUT guy crazy—-however after seeing this man on the scream awards, he is the epitome of my ideal man. oh.my.god.
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mystify me
My mother came up to me after seeing that now I can, more or less, be coined “a model,” and expressed how happy she was that I am now following my dream. I kind of had a moment within myself… my dream? and i’m actually following it?! Maybe. When I think back, throughout my entire life I told everyone I wanted to be a model. I remember 3rd grade, my teacher told my mom when she picked me up after school, that I should be a model. I am tall and slender and have that look about me of course. It has just stuck. So maybe, this is my dream that i’m pursuing finally? Or maybe you can have multiple dreams and aspirations, right? Hmmm.
I met probably the most astonishing girl ever last night. We bumped into each other at a bar and just immediately clicked. She was from Brazil, spoke four different languages, was a little older in age but not in looks at all, but she’s been traveling the world since she was in her teens. I was completely mesmerized by her. Not just because she was pretty, but because she had so much confidence and courage to just up and leave and travel. She had one friend in Japan and was staying there for a few weeks, then she goes where ever she winds up. I mean she was here, (why she was led to this town, I didn’t ask) and knew no one! Just staying at a hotel and hanging out. Crazy!! To me, atleast, I was fascinated by this free flowing spirit. I need that. And I think it was the kick I needed to tell me I do need to just move out of this state. I need to travel, meet new people, see new places. California will be a great start. :)
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The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving.
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